If you have read my previous blog regarding returning to work you will know how much I was dreading it.
So I’ve done it…I’ve completed my first week (essentially just 2 days) back at work after a whole 9 months off. I started back to work Tuesday 4th April and if I’m honest it wasnt as bad as I thought, well the initial leaving Freddie was but it didn’t feel like 8 hours that I was away from him.
Tommy’s mum offered to look after Freddie 2 days a week to help us out, which I will be forever grateful for as we wouldn’t be able to live the life we want for Freddie or buy a bigger house without that little bit extra.
Tommy’s parents set up a little play area for the boys
TThe night before…
I spent most of the evening before my first day back to work either writing lists, packing Freddie’s bag or crying. I was so emotional that anything Tommy would say or any little thought that crossed my mind about leaving Freddie would make me so upset. I knew I would get some separation anxiety because that’s the type of person I am, but I didn’t realise I would be as bad as I was.
Freddie is such a good sleeper and rairly wakes up in the night but Sod’s law he didn’t want to sleep at all this night. I’m not sure if it’s because Freddie could feel that something was wrong or that he was actually beginning to come down with what turned out to be tonsillitis but he woke up around 5 times from around midnight.
I think I was so worried about over sleeping (like that would happen with a baby), not getting myself and Freddie ready in time or forgetting something important that I didn’t sleep very well even when Freddie was asleep that night. I woke up at 5.30am with Freddie and gave him his milk before spending an hour playing, reading and having cuddles. When Tommy left for work I took Freddie into our room and I got myself ready and then got him dressed. We managed to get all dressed, lunches packed, cleared up and on are way to nannys in perfect time.
We got to Toms parents house at 8am which I was very pleased about as I had time to feed Freddie his breakfast myself before leaving.
Freddie finished his porridge and as he did so I looked at the clock which read 8.30am, that meant it was time for me to leave. My heart sank into my stomach, a lump formed in my throats and I could feel the tears in my eyes but had to brush them off as I didn’t want to upset Freddie. I gave him a big kiss, waved goodbye and walked out the door.
As soon as I got in my car I burst into tears and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t stop! I felt so silly because I knew Freddie would have a fun day with his nanny and cousin Chester, I knew I’d be seeing him again after work and I knew that I only work 5 minutes down the road so if anything happened I could be right there with him.
Freddie and Chester in the double buggy 😍
I managed to compose myself in our work car park before heading into the office and starting my day. Work was a bit weird as you kind of forget the simplest tasks you used to do daily, although within a few hours I felt as though I hadn’t left. It’s a bit scary as despite Freddie always being on my mind, it was kind of as though I had gone back in time and I didn’t have a child and I was just me, Lauren, at work.
The best part about my day was seeing Freddie’s little face waiting for me when I returned to collect him. The smile on his face nearly had me in tears again, but instead this time I smiled too and gave him the biggest hugs and kisses.
I didn’t find it half as bad leaving Freddie the 2nd day back at work and I’m sure it will continue to get easier.
As much as I would much rather be spending my days with Freddie I know I have to go to work and ultimately it is for him so I’m happy with that. Im not saying I’m a fan of not being with my son but I do think that maybe it’s actually healthy for us to have them hours apart so I can unwind, take 5 minutes to think about something other than poo and milk, have a wee in private and drink a hot coffee.
I hope that if you will be returning to work soon that you don’t find it as hard as I did. I wish you all the luck and if I can say one thing to try and make it better for you that would be “being away from your baby will make you appreciate every second of the time you do spend with , even more than you did before”.
Much loveage Loz x